There are only three possible ways you could know this about me. You follow me on LinkedIn, two, you know me, and three…actually everyone I’ve ever talked to knows this about me. The question I have for you right now is simple. Do you like mayonnaise?
If you do I’m actually considering removing you as a Facebook friend. It’s that serious for me.
It all started when my babysitter (no, I don’t still have a babysitter. Actually I do.) forced me to eat tuna casserole when I was in first grade. Do you realize the trauma that accompanies being forced to eat something you don’t want to? I do, and here we are 34 years later still feeling the effects. It’s a real struggle.
My life ordering food can be summarized into one sentence, “is there mayonnaise on it?” My favorite responses are, “no, but I can put some on it if you would like.” I hate to even have to ask because in my professional opinion (yes, I am a professional food orderer), everything in or on the meal should clearly be written in the item’s description. I used to say I’ll take that burger plain, but people don’t even know what that means anymore. Duh…it means no FREAKING SAUCE, which includes that disgusting condiment known as mayonnaise. There’s always this argument with my wife. It’s hilarious. “Don’t pull away from the drive-thru until I check my sandwich.” After she does, because she always does, I get to tuck my tail between my legs and walk back into Wendy’s with my unwrapped burger in my hands and a nasty look on my face. By the way, if this happens to you, it’s like having a Disney Fast Pass. You go straight to the font of the line, and everyone will understand. “Oh, he’s mad!”
Here’s the point to all of this (and no, this is not to make a push for miracle whip, that is equally as terrible). The fact is, if you order something, you should know what you’re getting yourself into, whether it’s something as unimportant as a Wendy’s Baconator or, let’s say, your roof. There shouldn’t be any hidden condiments that you bite into. Everything included should be clearly written in the description, and if not, it shouldn’t be assumed. I don’t think that’s too much to ask for. Over the years, we’ve all felt the need to remind someone we don’t want mayo or, even worse, found out about it after that first bite.
Should it just be simple, right?
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I just looked up a list of famous syndicated columnists, and I didn’t recognize anyone on the list. Ok, I did, but they’re not exactly renowned, and now I’m contemplating whether I want to go through with this. The Rooflution is a column; it’s not a blog. Because everyone writes a blog and Roofle is different. Roofle was designed for the customer, and the customer is busy living. The Rooflution is a column about life. About the inconveniences and conveniences, about the happiness and the hardships, but most of all, it’s relatable. It was designed to be different but, most importantly, better. Why? Because the process for getting a roofing quote can stand to be a little different. Being different is what Roofle is all about. I hope you enjoy the column, and if you don’t feel like a three-minute read, you can listen to it. It’s that easy. This is Roofing made simple, not Roofing made effort.
